Writerland

Today I want to talk about rejection and how we, as writers, deal with it. When I was modeling in Europe (MANY years ago), I went on castings nearly every day. If I did 20 castings in a week and got two jobs out of those, I was doing pretty well (two jobs a week is a LOT). That’s a 90 percent rejection rate. How did I deal with that? When I did a casting, I gave my all while there, but the minute I walked out, I forgot about it and moved on to the next one. I didn’t lie in bed at night wondering if I’d get the job (well, maybe now and then for a really big job), and I didn’t call my agency asking if they’d heard anything yet. I just assumed I hadn’t gotten the job and moved on. I didn’t, however, let that defeatist attitude affect how I performed at the next casting. I dressed just as professionally, acted just as perky and treated the client with just as much respect. Because that’s all you really can do.

Now that I’m a writer submitting my manuscript to agents for representation, I try to have the same attitude. Submit, then forget about it for a month or so before even thinking about following up. So far, I’ve received seven rejections—two form letters and five very nice letters in response to reading my manuscript. I still haven’t heard from two agents I’ve queried, and two others have the manuscript now. My situation may sound promising, and yet I get a bit depressed each time I get a rejection, especially when the agent has read the manuscript because, despite the fact that I know agents’ tastes are subjective, blah blah blah, I can’t help feeling that my book is just not good enough. It’s different from doing modeling castings in that a) I spent five+ years on this book, so I have a lot invested and b) I really really want to get my book published, whereas I never felt any emotional attachment to the modeling jobs I auditioned for.

So how do I deal with rejection?

a) I mourn a little. I’d be in denial if I pretended I didn’t care, so it helps to tell my husband, “I’m got another rejection letter and I’m a little depressed about it.” Anyone who’s familiar with Elisabeth Kübler Ross’ five stages of grief knows that acceptance is the key to dealing with loss.

b) I console myself. I remind myself that it’s REALLY difficult to get an agent, that the publishing industry is falling apart, that the economy has been in the dumps, that even in a good economy it’s not easy to get a book published, that famous authors have papered their walls with all rejection slips, etc. etc. And when that doesn’t work …

c) I drink some wine. Seriously. A glass of red wine can go a long way in easing the pangs of rejection. But drink responsibly, especially if you’re breastfeeding like I am! Then …

d) I exercise. This gives me energy, makes me feel more emotionally balanced, and makes me feel good about myself in other ways, so I can tell myself, “Well, my book may not be published, but at least I’m healthy and strong.”

e) I encourage myself. I remind myself that I just have to keep at it, that persistence pays off, that I can’t give up, that I can WILL one day succeed.

f) I commiserate with other writers. We’ve all experienced rejection if we’ve put ourselves out there, and it’s great to hear the stories of other writers like this one that can be both consoling and inspiring.

g) I work on other projects. These projects may have to do with aspects of publishing, like this blog, writing a short story or working on another book, or reading some good literary fiction to help improve my writing.

h) I question whether my manuscript really is ready to send out. In my case, because I was 90% confident that my book was done and not 100%, I decided to hire an editor to help me revise my book WHILE submitting it to agents. This may be a backwards way of doing things, and I agree with Sierra Godfrey that you shouldn’t submit until you’re 100% sure, but I also think, if you’re a perfectionist like me, you’re never going to feel 100% sure, and at some point you need to take a chance and send it out. Having received seven rejections (and yes, I know that’s nothing when others have submitted to 100+ agents before garnering representation and a subsequent book deal), I’ve made the decision to hold off on submitting to more until I do my revision. However, I do plan to …

i) Do more research. I will continue to research agents, so when my manuscript is polished shiny new in February or March, I’ll know who to query.

j) If none of these tactics works for dealing with the rejection blues, I suggest taking a break from your project—maybe take a vacation or read a good book or doing some gardening or something else for a couple of weeks, and then get back to it. Sometimes a little distance is all we need to regain our perspective on things.

How do you deal with rejection?