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Do Not Disturb

I’m on a private writing retreat this week—private meaning just me, my laptop, a lot of Coke Zero, and my manuscript. Oh, and Siri. I use Siri to send text messages while driving more than anything else. I rarely ask her where I can find a yoga studio or a place to eat because I know all the yoga studios and places to eat in Berkeley, and I never leave Berkeley since I live in The Mom Cage. But last night, while driving to my secret getaway in the woods without two children hassling me for something every quarter mile, I was bored. So Siri and I had a chat. Our conversation went like this:

“What is your name?”
“My name is Siri. But you knew that already.”
“How old are you, Siri?”
“I don’t see why that should matter.”
“Are you married?”
“I’m sorry. I’m afraid I can’t answer that.”
“You’re beautiful, Siri.”
“Oh, stop.”
“Will you marry me?”
“We hardly know one another.”
“I love you.”
“I hope you don’t say that to those other mobile phones.”
“Tell me a joke.”
“Two iPhone walk into a bar. I forget the rest.”
“Is there a God?”
“Humans have spirituality. I have siliconism.”
“Do YOU believe in God?”
“I would ask that you address your spiritual questions to someone more qualified to comment. Ideally, a human.”
“Thank you, Siri.”
“Your wish is my command.”

My other distractions this week will include The Killing (if I can ever figure out how to work On Demand), Mad Men (Did Peggy really leave? Don’t tell me! I haven’t watched this week’s episode yet.) and the first season of Damages. But only after I’ve done some serious damage to my manuscript. And on that note, I bid you all a productive week. May MacFreedom Be Always At Your Back … and May the Muse be With You.

23 comments to Do Not Disturb

  • lindseycrittenden

    Meghan, your chat with Siri bests those she has with John Malkovich (you'll see during the Mad Men commercials). Peggy leaving is the least of it–make sure to catch up on the most recent doozy too. But most of all, have a wonderful hardworking time!

  • annerallen

    Enjoy your retreat. You deserve it. I don't know how busy moms find time to write at all. Your Siri conversation is hilarious.

    • meghancward

      Thanks, Anne! It's so hard to get work done with two small kids. Being up here is such a luxury.

  • Kristan

    Ooo, enjoy your retreat! And as the others have said, hehe, I quite enjoyed reading your chat with Siri, especially since I can't have one with her myself.

    • meghancward

      I use Siri more for entertaining conversations than anything else. She cracks me up. And the answers to the same questions aren't always the same, which is the fun part.

  • Alina

    Hilarious! Good job, M

  • Ha, sounds like fun! Good luck with the writing.

  • I loved the transcript of your chat with Siri. AI is coming to a corner near you!

    After several failed attempts at extracting any useful information from her, I asked Siri if she would just talk dirty to me. She mechanically replied, "I can't. I'm pure as driven snow." I don't talk to her while I'm driving anymore.

    Speaking of driving, and Mad Men, I thought Jaguar's reaction to their appearance (and treatment) in the storyline was interesting:


    • meghancward

      That's VERY funny about Siri! And loved the Jaguar post. I'll pass it on. Comments are even funnier.

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  • I'm curious as to what's your favorite yoga studio in Berkley?

  • bloominglotusyogini

    I'd also like to know what you recommend in berkley? Any yoga teacher's in particular you have tried and resonate with?!

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