Buy “Runway”

Categories

Archives

Self-Sabotage Report

Okay, who did their homework? Did you keep track of the times you sabotaged your writing and the times you almost did, but chose not to? Here’s my report from Monday and Wednesday of last week and Monday of this week:

Monday
1. Went running instead of writing, but compromised and did a short run.
2. Resisted writing e-mails, balancing checking account, and blogging during writing hours.
3. Almost stopped writing to edit, but then resisted and continued writing.
Self-Sabotage Level: 1

Wednesday
1. Decided to work from home to avoid commute and get more done.
2. I wanted to look at a preschool website, and I did.
3. I wanted to make a haircut appointment, and I did.
4. I wanted to run to the bank and to get lunch, and I did.
5. I wanted to balance my checkbook, and I did.
(I realized at this point that I was really tired, and that when I’m tired, I can’t focus on writing and instead do everything to sabotage my writing. The smart thing would have been to take a nap.)
6. I wanted to do more banking, but I did not.
7. I still wanted to do more banking, and I did.
8. I received a long e-mail from a friend but resisted reading it.
(Finally started writing at 2:42 p.m. and wrote for 1.5 hours.)
9. Checked e-mail and then was about to look at Yahoo groups, and I did.
10. Was about to send an e-mail to everyone in a group, but I didn’t.
11. I wasn’t going to post to my blog, and then I did.
12. I wasn’t going to comment on other blogs, and then I did.
13. I wrote just 1.5 hours today, but I did make my weekly goal of 10 hours.
Self-Sabotage Level: 8

What I learned from last week’s experience was that when I’m well rested and consciously logging my self-sabotage, I get a lot more done, but that when I’m really tired, I just don’t care that I’m sabotaging myself and do it even when I’m aware of it. I also noticed that I lose motivation to work more hours than my pre-set goal, which makes me want to rethink my goals.

This week my experience was a little different. I was in a “poor-me-I-never-had-time-to-myself” mood over the weekend. I also had a little epiphany about happiness while tutoring a student on writing an essay about happiness. (I’ll share that later). So I decided today to run some errands and go to the gym, things I knew would make me feel better, before I started writing. By the time I ate lunch and wrote for an hour, I was so tired, I lay down to take a nap and didn’t get up for two hours. The result? My workday was over, and I’d only written for one hour. But instead of beating myself up about it, I vowed to make up the hours after the kids went to bed, and I did. Often, though, what happens when I allow myself to indulge is that I don’t get a chance to make up the hours, and I fall behind my goals. The answer, I think, lies in the comments section of my last post: balance, balance, balance. We all need breaks to get fresh air, watch a movie, go out to eat, whatever it is we like to do. But we’re smart people. We know the difference between the things that really improve our lives (like exercise) and the things that are time wasters (like TV and surfing the Net). It’s by being really honest with ourselves that we can identify when we’re sabotaging our writing and when we’re taking a much needed break that will bring some new energy and a fresh perspective to our writing.

How about you? When do you sabotage your writing? Do you do it consciously or unconsciously? And, if you did the homework, what did you learn?

11 comments to Self-Sabotage Report

  • "(I realized at this point that I was really tired, and that when I’m tired, I can’t focus on writing and instead do everything to sabotage my writing. The smart thing would have been to take a nap.)"

    Uh, yeah. That's the problem I've been having. I'm the same way: when I'm tired, all self control and good intentions go out the window. It's like I just don't have the energy to be strong/disciplined, or something. But at the same time, sleep is the easiest thing to sacrifice in order to write, because it doesn't affect anybody but me! Oh the quandary…

    As you said, it's all about balance. So I'm trying to figure out if I can do a late-night-every-other-night thing, where I stay up to work one night, then let myself sleep and cover the next night, and so forth. We'll see. So far I'm still just really tired… :

    I didn't do my homework exactly (bad Kristan!) because I didn't write it down, but I DID do a lot of thinking about self-sabotage, and I talked about it with my boyfriend, and it was a good reminder that even though I've taken a lot of steps to make writing my priority, there's still more that I need to do.

  • Discipline is hard. Losing our dream to our own inactivity is harder. The hard path and the right one are usually the same. Great post. Roland

  • Kristan – you mentioned on your own blog other things you did this past week instead of writing like watching TV, etc. Could you cut some of those things out instead of sleep? I feel like cutting into your sleep, you risk being overtired and losing focus, but maybe you work well late at night. I know I do until I have to get up the next morning and work all day. Then I feel like crap and am mad at myself for staying up so late.

    Roland – "The hard path and the right one are usually the same" – great point!

  • Denise Simard

    You know how I'm sabotaging myself? Reading this…which was linked from FB, which I was screwing around on when I sat down to work. Sigh.

    The internets have screwed me again! 🙂

  • Denise – welcome! The internets screw all of us every day! But there's always tomorrow …

  • i am self sabotaging my "homework" as well – tee hee

  • Anuja Kamani

    You are absolutely write, Meghan. Most of the time our writing suffers is due to our lack of discipline – I have been self-sabotaging a lot recently. The excuses are all too familiar – I want a cup of tea, I have to go shopping,etc. As a budding Freelance Journalist, I have to maximize my writing potential – could you please advice me as to how to get more writing done? Your feedback will be appreciated…

  • Anuja Kamani

    You are absolutely right, Meghan. Most of the time our writing suffers is due to our lack of discipline – I have been self-sabotaging a lot recently. The excuses are all too familiar – I want a cup of tea, I have to go shopping,etc. As a budding Freelance Journalist, I have to maximize my writing potential – could you please advice me as to how to get more writing done? Your feedback will be appreciated…

  • Anuja – here are some things that work for me. I hope they are helpful! http://bit.ly/adEZAT